its expensive to be pretty.
I had a conversation with my boyfriend tonight about how sex tends to peter out in the duration of a relationship. How people are told they need to “spice things up” and “keep things fresh and exciting” in order to maintain their sex life. One thing people don’t really talk about is the fact that youre expected to maintain your “standard of beauty”.
In the five years (on and off) mr thewhore and i have been dating I have kinda…. how can I say this…. Let myself go? When we got together I gotta admit i looked cute as anything. Maximum effort was put into my appearance (ugh i hate admitting this).
But I used to get
eyebrows done professionally ($60-120)
Id spend a fortune on makeup products, shoes, clothes and somehow one of my most expensive items was stockings/pantyhose. I had every kind. Pink, purple, black, large fishnet, small fishnet, seams up the back. At $40 a pop they all lasted a few wears before needing to be replaced.
Lingerie? Oy vey. I could drop $400 in one trip to buy a couple of bras.
Things have changed. Big time. I shave my legs at home, when I have time. If there is an event coming up I will wax my brows with a microwave pack for the occasion, paint my nails in the car on the way there if I can find a bottle of old polish in the bottom of a handbag. I havent had a real haircut in over two years (!!). Admittedly my hair is really long and pretty now, but there was a specific day my partner and I can both recall where I had my hair cut short, with a fringe, and dyed bright red. When I walked out of the salon his jaw hit the floor and I distinctly remember him telling me how beautiful I was, he was totally gobsmacked by the change, and we had amazing sex that day.
Just to think nothing like that has happened in two years is well… depressing.
But what is the flipside to all of this? Why havent I “maintained” this standard of beauty? Part of it is comfort, sure. I have the cow why go looking like a dairymaid to get some milk or something. Part of it is laziness, sure sure I can admit that. But the third part? MONEY. In the time we have been together we moved interstate and back, he finished his uni degree (which meant one income for the duration), I went through a period of depression where I quit work completely for a while - and we all know unemployment means no treats, no fancy hair, no expensive knickers. Its yourself some cheap conditioner and those cotton granny panties on discount.
What else happened? This year we saved for a most of a deposit on a house. Yup, we saved over $20,000 in 8 months. We bought a brand new car, a Honda Hybrid to replace my falling apart Mazda (the back bumper literally dragged on the ground when I drove it), and I got pregnant.
Priorities changed. Do we still find each other sexy? Sure, I guess. We say we do. But we both totally perve on other “pretty” people at the mall. Do we still have that exact same thrill to be surprised by the other persons appearance every now and then? Nah.
I hate that I have to realign my priorities to “bring sexy back”. There is something inherently “unfeminist” about having to pretty myself up to breathe life into this sex horse, but tonights discussion really made me realise that there is hope, yknow for our sex life. That maybe if we make a bit more effort to bring the confident, sexy, happy instead of the stressed, scrimping and saving grinch things could get better.
I realise it wasnt the spending and the money that made me more attractive to him (or anyone), but the fact that a bit of pampering gave me the confidence to feel sexy and amazing and whatever. Does it still kinda suck that I need that pampering to feel empowered and amazing? Sure, Id love to change how society views feeling sexy as a whole, but I know I did those things for myself, and the repercussion was the great sex life and people checking me out at the mall.
Time to remember that shit. But balance it out with being a grown up with those disgusting things called responsibilities. gross.