I’ve had sex three times since I squeezed a human out of my vagina, and tonight, it felt better and tighter than it did before I fell pregnant.
The first time sucked. My stitches had just healed, I was sore, everything felt wrong. Like totally painful and like someone had gone in with a bulldozer and rearranged my vaginal lounge room into a disaster zone resembling downtown Beirut in ‘86.
The second time was better. We started really slow, missionary style, lots of lube. I went from wincing and squeaking to slamming the headboard and waking the baby.
Tonight… Tonight I may have woken the neighbours. I blame popular TV show “GIRLS”. There’s something about the fucked up-ness of Adam that turns me on. Sending a picture of his dick wrapped in squirrel fur? Hilarious. Hate-wanking on the bed? Excellent. Being strangely sincere and friendly whilst remaining oddly aloof? Marry me. So we had been watching “Girls” and of course I started thinking about sex.
When we went to bed Mr The Whore fell asleep and I decided to masturbate. First time in three months, which is if you know me, totally fucking insane because there was a time where I could easily wank 12 times a day. I googled “free iPhone porn” on my phone and within 3 minutes I has orgasmed to some german ladies fisting each other (it was the first thing I clicked on).
I immediately wanted more. I started groping the guy in my bed till his cock was hard and he was awake. “wanna?”. He did. There was some breast grabbing (he refuses to put his mouth near my tits since I’ve been lactating which kind of pisses me off) some clit rubbing, lube applying and then some sideways laying on the bed action. I like it with my legs pressed tight together. He likes it with my leg up in the air. We do both. I ask him if he will do me from behind and next thing I know I’m on the edge of the bed and he’s standing up pounding away.
It was amazing. I honestly don’t know how my vagina is tighter than ever after having 4kgs of baby pass through it, but it is. My gspot was hit till I was way louder than I wanted to be.
Afterwards I handed him the roll of toilet paper that sits on my bedside table (classy I know) and lay back shaking and ughhhhh I got teary. I fucking hate it but sometimes when i have great sex my body does this thing where it fucking gets weepy without checking with me first and it starts this shit spiral of him going “are you ok?” to which I reply “I’m fine” then he asks “you didnt like it?” and I say “no I loved it” then he goes “are you ok?” We have done that for the entire 5.5 years we have been having sex.
I asked him if he would ever get rough with me in bed. There isn’t much of a reply so I add “yknow, pull my hair a bit, do some playful slapping”. He replies “I guess I could give it a shot, if you wanted me to”.
“you’re not into it at all? Like fooling around like that? Like in the show we watched tonight?”
“not really, but I’d do it if you wanted me to but it doesn’t turn me on at all”.
I fucking hate that response. Which I knew was coming. I don’t want someone to do something they don’t like in bed just to please me. I want to be slapped by someone that fucking loves giving a slap.
It’s funny, I part created this blog as a sexual release for the things I wasn’t getting from my relationship. And now I’m back, with sex that’s better than ever, somehow lamenting the same thing.
Fuck you HBO for sending me down this road again.
**I typed this for you guys on the shitty tumblr app on my iPhone with a baby on my lap while I ate leftover Asian noodle salad so talk to me, give me some thoughts, opinions, unrelated cat photos. ?
